Listopad 2011

My soul

22. listopadu 2011 v 21:00
My soul is eternal, my soul is translucent.
So..? why the hell do I have to be in this body, suffering because of my body shell..???
I feel like some dark emo right now. I feel like some weird unexperienced teen. I feel like the weakest in this flat. In this building. In this street. And more.
I feel like food has the control over me. Like it is my drug. My best friend and my worst enemy. Like a virus, damaging my brain, my soul, my feelings. But I'm too vulnerble. I'm too fragile. My soul is so fragile. I'm nothing but a weak human.
I'm shouting in the dark.
I have to quit this. But what exactly? And how.. I feel like I don't have enough motivation. All I have is demotivation.... Which is not enough. Save my soul, die, weakness, let go of me and let my body die with you...

Binge episode

22. listopadu 2011 v 20:49
I didn't stay strong... no. I'm so weak. So damn weak.
I ate like 2000 kcal at once right now. My head hurts. I ate like 150g of various nuts, 80g of figs, 110g of chocolate bonbons, they were totally shit, nothing but saturated fat and sugar. And it belonged to my sister. I stole it. Literally. I feel so awful.. I have to buy her a new one... I'm so.... I need help, I need it so much.
I started having headache, cause I ate so much.
I'm gaining weight instead of losing it.
I feel like shit.
If there's anybody, help me out, please.
I don't wanna be even fatter than I am right now.

I've gotta stay strong today, cause I feel like I'd love to eat too much once again..

22. listopadu 2011 v 12:46
Well, today morning I was in a rush, so I couldn't have my breakfast properly, I just had 2 apples. 200 kcal.
Lunch - 250g of curds with raw cocoa and 2 tablespoons of honey. Then I had pudding again. (I eat quite a lot of it nowadays..) And a tomato. 650 kcal.
Dinner - 70g oats, raw cocoa, banana, orange. 550 kcal.
Altogether: 1400 kcal.
Yep :) Looks good. Seems like eating protein is a good thing for people trying to lose weight.

Well, it could have been better, but I don't really mind that much :)

21. listopadu 2011 v 23:23

Hmm. Breakfast - vanilla pudding.
Then an apple. 450 kcal.
Lunch, that brown rice with peas again, veggies and mushrooms. 2 tomatoes, a carrot and around 70g of almonds. 700 kcal.
Dinner, with my bozfriend. :) Danger. Veggie soup, a huge pudding, 40g of dried figs, 2 mandarines and 30g of dark organic chocolate. 1400 kcal.
Hmm. Quite a lot. :l

Today, I'll keep it short

21. listopadu 2011 v 0:27

Today was gorgeous :) I'm quite satisfied with myself, so wish me luck.. :)
I ate an apple,
2 tomatoes, that brown rice with peas and veggies and mushrooms again, and a carrot for lunch.
Then I went to my boyfriend's, who gave me his gorgeous veggie soup :) And very little pudding, cause I refused eating more, which made him a little sad, but we survived :)
I'm happy :) No binge today and I'm gonna go to sleep, so good night :) Sleep well.

I need a plan. I need to detoxify.

19. listopadu 2011 v 19:39
How about today?
Well. Not very good.
I ate some pea soup (I love pea soup so much!). Then I had something like.. brown rice with frozen vegetables, some mushrooms and peas again. Well, that went fine. 500 kcal would do.
But afterwards, I ate like 100g of dried figs and around 150g of nuts - raw walnuts and roasted salted cashew nuts..
Which is obviously too much at once. Another 1300 kcal.
Lunch was over. At least 1800 kcal in my body.
5 hours later, I "had to eat again". I wasn't hungry at all. I ate like 70g of figs and 50g of nuts - 2 brazil nuts and roasted salted cashew nuts.. and an apple. 600 kcal. Then I ate a cucumber, cause I felt like I was in need of some vegetables.
Am I dumb? Who knows. Was I bored? Hell yeah. Needed to comfort myself? Hell yeah. Without any motivation to learn? .. Absolutely.
I had an idea. How about doing some exercice? That would solve my problem, but it's just that I'm like SO very lazy. Terribly. I have to do something about it. But not today, oh, please.
Tomorrow, I have to watch myself. Maybe I should try to eat a lot of vegetables. The more I can eat, the better. Vegetables can't hurt me, I think.
I need some motivation.

Tomorrow is Monday :) Sounds like a new start :) For another lifestyle change :)

13. listopadu 2011 v 17:19
I gained some fat, which means that I should lose it as well :)
Autumn came along and I my appetite became a little too woken :D
I feel like I eat all the time :D Sweets and so on... Food is very yummy, but my ass is not getting any smaller this way :D
Today I binged for the.. let's say 15th time within last 30 days :D
What does that all mean?
I have to watch myself.. And I'm going to use this blog to help me out :)
So today I ate a lot.. again :D I have to reduce my sugar and fat intake.. Problem? I love nuts and chocolate :D
Roasted salted nuts taste better, but raw nuts are better for my health and my stomach ;)
Sweets are probably quite unnecessary, maybe I should quit eating them. There are still fruits, as soon as I'll need some quick energy :) Which I don't need.. :D I sit with my computer all the time :D I'm a programmer girl..
Today was quite tasty already, so I'm gonna eat a Soyagurt (the expiration date forces me to do so) with raw cocoa and sunflower seeds :) With cherry tomatoes, carrot and.. well, what else? any suggestions? ..Although I think this must be enough for today :D Wish me luck, I wanna lose fat, not gain even more of it :D

So let's summarize :)
Tomorrow is monday and I'm gonna have a detoxication day. Then I'm gonna try a rational diet. I'm gonna be thankful to my body for everything it offers me :) Thank's, body. Now I'm gonna help you to get rid of the unnecessary burden you are forced to carry :)